THANK YOU SO MUCH NATALIE

She'z beautiful and i have already named her,

.Meet Dax.

"The First 35mm Fisheye Compact Camera of the World"

!!ILOVEHER!!

&& Gimmie 2weekz for thiz badboy to be minez...

ill start w/ thiz nikon d60 and work my way up.

:] CHECC BAKK SOON [:

Dear 2008 ,

Thiz has to be my lifez biggest turning point. You gave me 365 dayz of pure hell and ultimately killed me internally.

Never the less a new me was reborn. Smarter , more mature and more prepared for the obstacles life will throw at me.

Thiz year i have made some of the best mistakez of my life.

Though i felt like 2008 depicted the face of evil ,
looking back at it all i now conceder thiz year a blessing in disguise.

Without all the eventz that have taken place thiz year id be a lost soul.
Niave and living a lie.

Being oblivious to the obvious is one thing , but with knowledge of...
why choose to remain in the dark.?

Recognizng and Accepting the real must have been the most painful liberating feeling ive ever experienced.

Thiz iz a year i can say i regret nothing. If i had the chance to re-live it (i mean.. id never fk`ng do it, ha.) but if the chance were presented to me , i wouldent change a thing.

I have mended endz , enimies have became friendz and although doorz have closed , many have opend.

People have taken on different rollz in my life , rollz more suitable for them and i.

True colorz have made themselvez apparent and thingz of which were synthetic and/or fabricated have unraveled.

I appreciate you all for being. . . .who you are.

I leave thiz year with no held gruges ;; 08 You were a devine tragedy. Thank You for Life.!

&& to 2009 , i am prepared for any and everything you have to throw at me. I have a new deck of cardz and thiz time ill play them right.!



Sincerely , Changed.



--N0_odle `_`

SLAPP`D BY. . .

soo. . . . im out of harmony w/ reality
but i dnt wanna be tuned
cuz if i realize factz and face the truth
my world may cum crashing down to soon

im at a time where i cant tell
the difference between then an now
with the impact of these eventz hitting
itz hard for me to figure out how

timez disolving along with everything that once held some sort of significance to me
laying here an the room startz spinning as reality beginz to pierce through me

dnt know how i got here nor where im headed
but i distinctly remember where ive been and all the tearz ive shed

try not to endulge in the few good thingz i have
cuz it alwayz seemz as once you bask , all good thingz go bad

all my life ive searched for a purpose
17yrz. tryna find what my worth is..
an 17yrz. ive came up w/ nothing
but i thought everyone was good at somthing...

thiz only makez my dayz harder
how do i stay content knowin everyonez almost done
while i still remain a starter..

what i tried to avoid has already begun
my worldz come crashing down an thiz burden wayz a ton

but maybe if i let it fall vs. tryna hold it together
ill feel the liberation ive longed for an be set free forever
FIN.

--N0_odle =/

Fairwellz...

As she leanz over and rapz her armz around my neck everything seemz to slowly fade away..

The melody frum the stero decreases to subtle bacground music , the sound of raindropz hitting the ground all become one beat that begin to drop simotaniousley with her tearz

Itz hard to believe everything cudd change in a day..

Gripping her torso tightley , i pull her closer.

With every motion increasing the preasure between our bodiez another tear fallz ,
wanting time to stand still i wish there was someway to stall

My breathz become slow and deep
while cradeling tearz in my eyez..
I feel as if i let them go.. id be loosing so much more then my pride.

--N0_odle u_u

I Invision

The image in my dreamz being so complex
it may be near impossible to put it in context. . .
never the less , ill try my best.

A figure whoz staturez similiar to minez with a vibrant glow at itz core
Cuddent make much of it at first but now i gradually see more.

Never have i seen so much passion held in onez eyez
the path way past deception cause eyez wont lie
a smile so peaceful itd set me to ease ,
but youd have to see it yourself cause what im sayingz the least.

Could never admit to it so these feelingz i must suppress
unsure of wat you want so id rather reveal less
. . . .if only i had the chance to see thee other sidez. . . . .
but im to far , Shy..
so the comfort of my dreamz remainz my alibi.

If only i could grab hold. . .
from a mocha skin tone to a curved back bone
i often picture our bodys inertwined
chillz creeping down my spine simply from your touch
-what my soul has longed for.

Id pull you closer anticipating the kiss
but the feelingz id recieve is already what i seem to miss.

--N0_odle ^_^

'Internally You Murder Me'

Lust me , decieve me , betray me , leave me
and all i ever did was adore you.

Gave you all of me better then my best
an yet i cuddent gain more of you.

Thiz unhealthy obssession with the love
ill never receive
and you continue to string me along motivated by your greed.

Build me up to tear me down and i see it coming each time.
Prepare myself for your next lie , then continue on like everythingz fine.

But yet these liez that you feed to me. . . . .
the liez you create to blind my faith an decieve me ,
to remain in control , lead me away from the truth ,
have me feelin like thee only right ive ever known was you.

In one ear then to my head , your liez rule my mind.
Pierce my heart and seepz through my soul slowly these liez devour me whole..

I accept everything for what it is cause the love my heart holdz for you ,
but do know that your killing me slow
and my heartz beggining to turn cold for you.

--N0_odle '_'

PHOTO'z

Random Pix for My Enjoyment [:

^BEACH^

^OLD TOWN^

^GOLD_LINE^

ha ^MY BIG^ ha

^MY BENNY^

^MELROSE (06)^

^ R.JADA [: ^

^Mykale , Brady , Joonie , Tana^

MY LIFE CYCLE

11.20.08 ;; So today hasent been the best ,
but definetly not the worse so i guess i shouldnt complain.
Talked to 'Pocket Size' today and our conversation somehow
threw me back to my conclusion of a recent life changing experience.
I figure my life iz like a triangle. The possitive flow of the triangle movez left.
Herez a visual [: ;; maybe it can help someone else to.


...
(peace)

.(accepptance). . . . . . . . . . . . . .(discomfort).

Okay now follow me. . . .

If therez ever been one thing thatz stuck with me , itz been
the discomfort im constantly living in.
Thiz discomfort comez from me letting my emotionz and situationz
in my life overwhelm me. Panicing while waiting for thiz re-assurance
that will never be presented to me. Searching for comfort where there is none.

After enough of the struggle i find myself learning to accept matterz for what
they are. Nothing more , nothing less. Sitting back and letting life tke itz course.
I realize that thiz iz the way life should be lived. Any other way just creates
unnecessary struggle for yourself.

My conclusion of it all::
Life wouldent be ;; if there were no struggles.
There simply obstacles that evolve into stepping stones
as you build yourself up to a stronger and more dynamic person.
Thiz iz [REAL]ity.!! Accept it for what it is.
Trying to make more out of what iz not there or what you know deep down
inside will never be ;; itz only setting yourself up for disappointment.
I find ultimate comfort in the peaceful state of mind i am left with.

-N0_odle *_*

314

mmmmmm

these thingz we call emotions are currently eating me alive. thoughtz racing , stomach turning , a feeling i dont miss. it appearz that my actionz have sped up the proccess of the same situationz i was trying to pervent. as much as i dont want to just stand here and watch the time thatz supposed to be 'ourz' pass me by , seemz like it iz out of my control.

uhhmm. . . . . . well. . . . . .im about to sleep on thiz and edit a little later --> 1:33PM.

--N0_odle =/

8:53 && im back for more.

My weary mind was not able to bear these burdens ,
so i went to sleep.
Overwhelmed by the situation , engulfed ;; my thoughtz swallow me whole.
Never have I been so intrigued by one person. You've captured me emotionally ,
Physical intimacy doesent even have to be a factor , and mentally. . . . . . . .
Mentally , I lust you. What id give to be intimate w/ your every thought.
I dont want mindrape , but for our thoughts to be in tune like the perfect harmony.

-N0_odle <3

11.13.08

I change day by day. Somtimes for the better somtimes for the worse , either way I grow.
More mature today then I was yesterday. More experienced today then I was yesterday.
But intelligence , somtimes i cant tell if im gaining or loosing. These daily attempts to climb my way to greatness , a step closer. Then I step back and question if im even moving or if this is simply a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I feel like im a figment of my imagination.

Hmm , a chain of never endin thoughts that trouble my mind. =/

well. . . . . . .thatz all for now

-N0_odle

PT.1NE

ive never been so unsure of somthing im so sure of
maybe somtime further down the road ill be more
specific of what im talking about but for now i must
vent through code..
i miss my fiance.!! hope your doing well .schrody. <3
i miss the gang.!! feelz like itz been forever
mm mm mm mm mm mm mm. . . .i think i love this site.
you can put such meaningful things on here. . .and
such meaningless thingz.!! itz like the best of both worldz
at your fingertipz. . . .well. . . . . i should give this post
atleast a little significance. . . . .
sooo my fellow bloggerz. . . . . ill leave you w/ this::



Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create.

--Albert Einstein






'until the day that i can say that 143 ;;ill cry silent tears'

Food for thought.

"Three passions have governed my life:

The longings for love, the search for knowledge,

And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.

In the union of love I have seen In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.

I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].

I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,

But always pity brought me back to earth;

Cries of pain reverberated in my heart Of children in famine,

of victims tortured And of old people left helpless.

I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

adapted"

--Bertrand Russell